I consider myself a fairly intelligent person... I'm no genius, but I'm no slouch either.  I know about relationships, about logic, etc... but that doesn't seem to make a difference because my heart doesn't give a shit about what is going on with my brain.

Why do I miss him so much? Why does this hurt so bad? I was sorely tempted to stay in Las Vegas... and now that I'm back here in WA, all I can think of is going back to Vegas to be with him... and I know it makes no sense and I know that this is supposed to be one of those "phases" of seperation. I've read the literature, the self-help books, the "expert" articles... but what I know doesn't matter because my emotions don't care what the self-help gurus say, and my heart doesn't know what a phase is... it just knows that this pain is like nothing I've ever felt.

It's been nearly two months and even though I know that this will make me a stronger person, a better mother, and someday a better wife... right now I sleep and dream of having his arms around me again.... and I want to hate him for it... but I love him too much to hate him.

Gnarls Barkley
"Crazy" (from the debut album "St. Elsewhere

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions had an echo and so much space

And when you're out there without care
Yeah I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me Crazy
Does that make me Crazy
Does that make me Crazy
Possibly

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice, that's my only advice
Come on now
who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you
think you are, ha ha ha bless your soul
you really think you're in control

I think you're Crazy
I think you're Crazy
I think you're Crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on the limb
All I remember is thinking I want to be like them.
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little
It looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

But Maybe I'm Crazy
Maybe you're Crazy
Maybe we're Crazy
Probably

 

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Yes, I'm hoping to see a career in criminology sometime in the future. That'll probably change sometime during the next three years, of course, but for the time being, I want to be a forensic psychologist. =)

I'm really sorry that you're having such trouble/confusion with your husband. I wish I could give you advice, but, seeing as how I'm just fourteen, I'm afraid I don't have much experience with marraige. But I do understand what you're saying here. From what I've read ever since first coming to your journal, it does seem as though your marraige (at least for the past several months) has been a bit rocky. As you said, this seperation is for the better, right? Having been married for the length that you have, I'm not surprised that you're regretting it a little and missing your husband; you're so used to being around him and getting to see him.

I'm sorry if this wasn't the most helpful of comments. I'm not the most experienced with relationships, nor am I that great with comforting people.

But, I really hope things get better, love.

I'm not a praying sort of person, but I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Best wishes,
Doctor Kaye

~big hugs and flowers~
Ain't love just the most confusing emotion we have? I understand your frustrations. I was always told, "The heart wants what the heart wants" and it's amazing to me how it continues to want what made us sad or unhappy, because it only remembers the love and smiles. Wish I could help cheer you up. You and your DD deserve to be happy.
I figure Dh's missing your love, tenderness and delightful heart too. (Even if he isn't showing it.)

My positive thoughts and prayers are with you and DD.

I'm glad my words were helpful. I hope things are going a bit better on your end, now.

Hmm, you mentioned "The House of the Seven Gables"... I haven't been able to read that one yet. I did get the chance to read "The Scarlet Letter" in class last year, and due to our reading "schedule", I didn't enjoy it so much. I read faster than average, and a chapter that took a week for the rest of the class took me half an hour or so. Thanks to that, I kept forgetting what'd happened by the next chapter!

I do plan on picking both TSL and THotSG up at the library tommorow. I'll let you know what I think about it.

Speaking of classics, have you read "Anna Karenina"? I just finished it, and if you haven't read it yet, you really should! I'm going to start "War and Peace" once I'm done with THotSG.

Ta,
Doctor Kaye

Before I forget, I recently added you to my MySpace, so if you're wondering who that random person was, it was me. :)

Don't try to rush the pain, you'll just end up bottling it inside you. My husband left me and my child a long time ago and no matter how hard my friends tried to take my mind off of him or tell what a loser he was I still loved him and it hurt like hell. It'll take time, but eventually you'll be able to deal with the pain and that's when you'll be able to move on. I wish you all the best.

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